Thursday, May 1, 2014

Six Things Aussie Expats Will Never Understand About The U.S.

Water Levels of Toilets

Let's forget for a minute which direction the water is flushing. Why are the water levels of U.S. toilets so high? There is no way to take a piss standing up without splashing in a U.S. toilet. This is not a problem in Australia, nor is flushing shit down the toilet. So..Why?
Australian Bowl

American Bowl

No Chocolate Powder on the Cappuccinos 

I asked myself this all of the 47 times I licked the chocolatey froth off my take away* coffee lid on my recent three week cappuccino binge of Australia.

Merge Lanes on Highways (freeways, whatever)
On ramps are a life and death situation for no reason in the U.S. If you're in the right (slow) lane and someone bombs in via the on ramp you basically have to decide to hold your ground, slow down, speed up or side swipe the vehicle on your left. In Australia, if you're on the highway, you're the boss. End of story. How easy is this to fix? Behold, the dotted line...

Four Way Stops
W. T. F.?!!! Why, why, why? When traffic is light, you're stopping for no reason. Waste of gas (PETROL!), waste of time. When traffic is heavy you have to have the alertness of a ninja master to figure out which of the four of you stopped first. Which in many cases you can't which results in everyone waving at each other like dick heads through the front windscreen. Roundabouts or traffic lights, people. Roundabouts or lights.

No Footpaths

There must be a law or something in Australia where you have to have a footpath on at least one side of the street. This is not the case in the U.S. Car industry lobbying? Who knows but it's freaking annoying.

Junk Mail

Unsolicited mail you might call it in the U.S. Here's how you stop in Australia. Done.

*Yes, "take away" not "take out". Take out is something you do to a girl not your fish and chips)

What have I missed? If it's worthy I'll add it.

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